I think this is one of the big stressors in my life. As I get ready to go home to my parents for Christmas, I realized I never felt good enough. It’s a reason I don’t actually want to go. I sit here packing and even my clothes aren’t good enough, I wear very modern clothes and my mother does not approve. I can barely breathe. My parents always pretended everything was fine, while always criticizing others Maybe this was part of my rebellion as a teenager. I hated it. The perfect family, I just wanted to be happy and joyous.
Well that isn’t our household it’s strained and boring. No one is themselves. I basically go through a list of stuff we can’t talk about with my family before we arrive. It’s such a strain. No wonder I feel stressed and anxious. It’s not pretty or fun, it looks perfect though.
So here’s to getting through family get togethers. I am putting my foot down though next year is at our house and we have decided that we are saying it’s here and if anyone comes that’s great if they choose not to that’s ok. After travelling for Christmas for over 28 years I want a Christmas in my own house. I want to play games and have Christmas Carols being sung and go look at lights, I want to decorate cookies and basically have fun. It will not look perfect but it will be joyous and fun.
Breathing deeply I must go pack.
Here’s to another sober weekend. Oh and today I have 5 months