Fit and Sober

A Journey to Healthy Inside and Out

Family you can’t pick them, but you can sure as hell set boundaries.  Tonight I almost made a conscious decision to drink, I had been so overwhelmed by emotions that happened today.  I didn’t and I wasn’t craving a drink per se, I was craving to escape the feelings that had come up, from dealing with my family.

My sister in law this morning started by day off with a  text that was rude, I was vibrating mad and hurt.  I was in the process of buying her son (my nephew a gift ) I was so freaking upset.  What did I do I didn’t respond, to her, I wanted to lash out.  I wanted to call her an ungrateful bitch.  I did not.  You cannot control anyone else’s actions you can control your own reactions.

Then tonight my Dad text me and it was a rude text as well.  Back story.. I had had an amazing day yesterday and it included going up a Mountain and doing a Christmas Village and a whole amazing experience, my Dad text me while we were there.  I answered him because I know he gets pissy if you don’t text him back, I also set a boundary as with him he thinks its a phone conversation with hello, goodbye’s etc and a 1/2 hour conversation via text in between..  So I sent him a pic of the kids told him I’d send him more later, but we were off to a sleigh ride.  No problem.  So I didn’t get home until close till 11pm and was beat.  Got up at 545 AM went to spin, went to get my nephew a gift then off to work and then more work  ( I am tying up year end, if anyone knows about accounting and books, and receivables, you will understand the hell I am in.) and then was sitting here and I get a text from him saying “Nice pics you sent”  “Thank you”  Like what the fuck is wrong with my family.  I wanted to say did you take the same pissy pill as my sis in law.  I did not.  I did not respond. I also did not want to send the pics as I have decided to give a couple as Christmas gifts to them.  I may not know I’m done with Christmas Gifts at the moment and not feeling so loving.

I reached out to my sober g/f and vented, told her about thinking drinking she suggested not to carry around this anger write about it.  So here I am.

  1. I did not respond to either texts even though I wanted to lash back at both of them.  My integrity and response is more important to my health and not causing chaos than their actions.
  2. Text messaging sucks ass, also it does not require an immediate response.  Just like a phone call you do to have to pick up.
  3. I was mad which often equals hurt.  Your allowed to have these feelings! Wow that was a realization.
  4. I was hurt not one of these two thought about my feelings or my day, or what they said.  Just about themselves, again I cannot control this.  Realizing this has helped me breathe through this
  5. I did something I wanted to do tonight which was craft, not drink.
  6. I ate a proper dinner tonight, when I realized this was all happening about me wanting to drink I also realized I had not eaten since breakfast.
  7. I reached out to someone who understands actually 2 people, one about the choice about drinking and one about my family.  Both G/F’s deal with these situations.  It helped having someone to talk to.
  8. Realizing that giving up my sobriety because my family triggered me I would have been madder at myself tomorrow.  They are NOT a reason to drink.
  9. I may not go spend as long at my parents house for Christmas as planned.  I will see.
  10. A moment of Patience in a moment of Anger saves a thousand moments of Regret.

 

Remembering that my own reactions are the only ones I can control today.

Peace out, here’s to another sober day!

 

 

 

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