Family you can’t pick them, but you can sure as hell set boundaries. Tonight I almost made a conscious decision to drink, I had been so overwhelmed by emotions that happened today. I didn’t and I wasn’t craving a drink per se, I was craving to escape the feelings that had come up, from dealing with my family.
My sister in law this morning started by day off with a text that was rude, I was vibrating mad and hurt. I was in the process of buying her son (my nephew a gift ) I was so freaking upset. What did I do I didn’t respond, to her, I wanted to lash out. I wanted to call her an ungrateful bitch. I did not. You cannot control anyone else’s actions you can control your own reactions.
Then tonight my Dad text me and it was a rude text as well. Back story.. I had had an amazing day yesterday and it included going up a Mountain and doing a Christmas Village and a whole amazing experience, my Dad text me while we were there. I answered him because I know he gets pissy if you don’t text him back, I also set a boundary as with him he thinks its a phone conversation with hello, goodbye’s etc and a 1/2 hour conversation via text in between.. So I sent him a pic of the kids told him I’d send him more later, but we were off to a sleigh ride. No problem. So I didn’t get home until close till 11pm and was beat. Got up at 545 AM went to spin, went to get my nephew a gift then off to work and then more work ( I am tying up year end, if anyone knows about accounting and books, and receivables, you will understand the hell I am in.) and then was sitting here and I get a text from him saying “Nice pics you sent” “Thank you” Like what the fuck is wrong with my family. I wanted to say did you take the same pissy pill as my sis in law. I did not. I did not respond. I also did not want to send the pics as I have decided to give a couple as Christmas gifts to them. I may not know I’m done with Christmas Gifts at the moment and not feeling so loving.
I reached out to my sober g/f and vented, told her about thinking drinking she suggested not to carry around this anger write about it. So here I am.
- I did not respond to either texts even though I wanted to lash back at both of them. My integrity and response is more important to my health and not causing chaos than their actions.
- Text messaging sucks ass, also it does not require an immediate response. Just like a phone call you do to have to pick up.
- I was mad which often equals hurt. Your allowed to have these feelings! Wow that was a realization.
- I was hurt not one of these two thought about my feelings or my day, or what they said. Just about themselves, again I cannot control this. Realizing this has helped me breathe through this
- I did something I wanted to do tonight which was craft, not drink.
- I ate a proper dinner tonight, when I realized this was all happening about me wanting to drink I also realized I had not eaten since breakfast.
- I reached out to someone who understands actually 2 people, one about the choice about drinking and one about my family. Both G/F’s deal with these situations. It helped having someone to talk to.
- Realizing that giving up my sobriety because my family triggered me I would have been madder at myself tomorrow. They are NOT a reason to drink.
- I may not go spend as long at my parents house for Christmas as planned. I will see.
- A moment of Patience in a moment of Anger saves a thousand moments of Regret.
Remembering that my own reactions are the only ones I can control today.
Peace out, here’s to another sober day!